7November 2017

Peace with Time

November 7th, 2017|

It sounds crazy, but early in life I learned that Time was my enemy – cramming school, homework, and activities into every second of the day. In college, I began to wage war on what I feared Time would eventually do to my body – diets, potions, gyms and a race to find a mate – all before Time turned me into a hag. Professionally, I learned to live by time sheets, billable hours, productivity charts as I frantically tried to beat competitors to the top of the career heap.

I thrived on being busy. If I was busy, that meant […]

24October 2017

Do You Have Compassion Fatigue?

October 24th, 2017|

“Compassion fatigue” is usually referred to when talking about nurses, doctors, soldiers or professionals who help others who are suffering, but it’s also very real among friends and family caring for someone with exceptional needs or who is suffering.
Even though compassion fatigue is common, it can be difficult for those who suffer from it to accept that it’s happening to them because empathetic and giving people may find it hard to admit that their needs are important too.  The realization there is a limit to compassion (even if that limit is shared by all other people) can induce guilt and […]

8September 2017

From Hurricane Alley

September 8th, 2017|

As we prepare for the impact of ANOTHER deadly storm while watching the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the content of the blog I posted nearly one year ago still rings true. I’ve posted it again and am praying for guidance and wisdom for all.

 

Riding the Storm Out (10/05/2016)

 

Our family lives on the East Coast, and we have been warned of a very big storm – a deadly hurricane, as a matter of fact – that is about to impact our lives. We have lived in this place a long time and been through many of these big storms, even a […]

24July 2017

Love That Creates Value

July 24th, 2017|

“Be_________ so that you can be loveable.” We send this message to our children, our neighbors, the people we hire, our spouses, etc. Be a certain way so that I can love you, employ you, marry you, etc. That’s the criteria we use to make decisions. I will choose it if it conforms to what I like – whether it’s a dress, a neighborhood, a political party, a cookie, a friend. That’s not an unreasonable way to live, but what do I do with the things and people that don’t fit my criteria and expectations? Not seeing any value, we […]

10June 2017

Great Expectations: The Enemy of Change

June 10th, 2017|

We’ve been through a lot of changes recently as we sold our home and moved into a more wheelchair-friendly place to accommodate our daughter’s declining condition. Things did not go smoothly. Well, that’s actually an understatement. Chaos, confusion, grief, disappointment and trouble had us hemmed in on every side. Nothing was working out, yet it was so evident from our daughter’s failing health that we had to leave our house in order for her to continue to live with us. I described the three months of searching, negotiating, packing, unpacking – all while […]

7February 2017

Still Learning

February 7th, 2017|

I am STILL learning this: To love someone is not first of all to do something FOR them, but to reveal to them their beauty and value, to say to them through our attitude – “You are beautiful. You are important. I trust you. You can trust yourself.”

We all know well that we can do things for others and in the process crush them, making them feel that they are incapable of doing things themselves. To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them.

1January 2017

No Fear

January 1st, 2017|

As a new year begins, I find myself a bit overwhelmed. Mary Addison broke her “good” arm and is more helpless than ever. Her seizures have gotten worse and she’s had several bad falls (hence the broken arm). To top it off, we lost our beloved caregiver to a job that offers better pay and benefits and we haven’t found a replacement. (Yes, she bailed on us, but do you blame her?) We are limping along financially.  (What’s new.) There’s that extra weight I put on over the holidays and the Looming List of all the things I didn’t get […]

4December 2016

Overcoming Hopelessness

December 4th, 2016|

I think one of the most destructive emotions a caregiver can have is hopelessness. If there is no hope, why do we do what we do? And hopelessness is contagious. When we’re defeated and full of despair, our words and actions can be discouraging to everyone around us.

Advent is supposed to be a time of preparing our hearts for the greatest source of hope – a Savior who came to show us The Way to live in peace, love, joy and abundance.  Yet I find as the year winds down, I’m so tempted to succumb to hopelessness.
5October 2016

Riding The Storm Out

October 5th, 2016|

Our family lives on the East Coast, and we have been warned of a very big storm – a deadly hurricane, as a matter of fact – that is about to impact our lives. We have lived in this place a long time and been through many of these big storms, even a direct hit by Hugo.
I am struck by how similar our responses are to all the “storms” of life.Whether it’s an approaching hurricane, a bad health diagnosis, […]

18August 2016

Going With The Flow

August 18th, 2016|

In my first 30 years, I was a “frequent flow-er.” I’d always look for the flow and go with it. I was relaxed about everything and just let things happen (even college and early career). Then real life hit – big job, marriage, mortgage, kids, etc.

For my middle 30 years I began planning and pushing my plans through – come hell or high water. Somehow, I believed if I didn’t push, we wouldn’t get anywhere (notice the “we”). I thought my spouse, kids, co-workers all needed me to come through for THEM. (I think that is called being narcissistic and […]